Monday, July 27, 2009

They Are My Own!!!

Warner Bros. new movie Orphan goes over the top to fuel a stigma that has long plagued orphans. In the trailer, a nine year old girl named Esther is adopted by a couple who recently lost an unborn child. As the story unfolds, Esther is shown to be a very disturbed little girl, full of deceit, violence and hatred.

One part of the trailer shows Esther saying, “It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own.” When I heard this, I had to remind myself that this is true ignorance speaking and not reality, because reality knows no difference.

I’d like to share two stories of my involvement with orphans. I have numerous experiences I can share, but for the sake of not writing a lengthy novel, I will keep it to only two.

The first experience I can share is the adoption of both our children. My wife and I have adopted a boy and a girl. Our son was a domestic adoption and our daughter, from China. They are the pride and joy our lives. There is not a difference in the world between a child who is born to you and a child which is “chosen.” However, as we tell our kids, most parents don’t get to choose their children, but we got to choose them and that makes them all the more special. Adoptive children offer all the same joys, happiness and trials biological children offer. After experiencing about seven years of infertility, my wife and I decided to adopt rather than gamble a lot of money on a “chance” of a child. We moved forward into the process of adopting from China, during that time, God presented us with another adoption opportunity, to adopt a child of a single mom unable to keep her baby. Since this situation presented itself to us at a time when we were clearly not looking, we both knew this was God saying this was our son and that we needed to move forward.

A year after our son’s entrance into our family our China adoption was beginning to come to realization. We left for China less than three weeks after our son’s first birthday and met our daughter five days before her first birthday. Their birthdays are 20 days apart, but our “twins” are as different as night and day.

As we went from one child to two, we knew that if we were to grow our family larger that we only wanted to do this through adoption. We know many families who even though they had adopted still had the longing to have a biological child. Moira and I were, and are completely contrary to this. From our first adoption on we always were thankful when we knew another month had passed and Moira was not pregnant. This was because of the overwhelming joy and satisfaction of knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that God’s children are no different whether they carry our DNA or not. If our family is to ever grow again, adoption has always been our choice.

Another experience I had was just a little over five years ago. God made it very clear to me that I was to join our church on a trip and go to two Russian orphanages. At the time both my kids were 2 ½ years old, so I assumed I would spend much of my time in Russia with children of a similar age. I was wrong!!!

After arriving at an orphanage in Ivanova, Russia about three months later, I awkwardly stepped off the bus and stood dazed and confused. Standing with me were eight others in my group and about 20 beautiful boys and girls from the orphanage, ranging in age from 5 to 15. I stood looking around, trying to imagine how these kids felt, wondering why they were there and how was I going to make their lives any better. Maybe five minutes went by until one of the children said something. Our interpreter translated the request, “Does anyone want to play a game?” It took one of these kids to break the ice, not one of the nine adults! All of us nodded our heads as it was the only way for us to communicate our agreement with the idea. Not two seconds later, a young lady of 12 came and took my hand. She claimed me as her partner in the game. It was at this point I knew I was not there to play with 2 ½ year olds, but I was there to spend time with this girl, her sister and three of their friends.

The following six days proved to be some of the best six days of my life. I built solid relationships with each of them. We talked about why some of them were there, how they were coping with being there and what their dreams and aspirations were. I did not see resentment or bitterness in these girls. I saw hope, love and lots of determination to make it.

Not one child was there because of anything they did, and I can assure you none of them chose to be there. Every child in an orphanage has been traumatized at least twice. First, because of the event which made them “eligible” to be in an orphanage and second, the day they were place in the orphanage and all the security they knew had been stripped from them.

They day we left the orphanage was the single worst day of my life. I have never been so sad about anything in my life. At that point I didn’t know what would happen to them, or if I’d get to see them ever again. Those five girls have so much to give, and I only hope every one of them has a chance to use their talents and make the difference each of them is capable of making. Through them, I learned some painful hard truths about myself too.

Fortunately, that was not the last time I saw them. I went back two more times in the next 13 months. The 12 year old who took my hand on that first day now lives in the United States with her sister. I still keep in touch with them and am glad for the happiness they’ve have in their new found family.

With that said, I wish I could say to Esther, my two kids and the kids in Ivanova are my own. I love them all very much, just as I know they love me.

No comments:

Post a Comment